What’s My Pillow Made Of?

When I was a kid I had asthma. Not just a little bit of a coughing problem when I ran around a bit. I mean cough until you can’t breath, parents take you to the hospital kind of asthma. But I honestly don’t remember it being that bad. When I was about four my family moved away from the cities and headed for the countryside. And I don’t know if that was what soothed the asthma or just me growing out of it but not long after I stopped having asthma attacks.

My grandmother also gave me and my mother matching pillows. They were supposed to be anti allergy pillows that she figured would help with asthma (my mother gets mild asthma in the winter). Maybe they were the magic fix because I’ve completely ditched the asthma now and I haven’t ditched the pillow.

I’m pretty sure you are supposed to get a new pillow every 7 years or so. And I have even bought a new pillow every now and then before giving up on the new one because it’s just not as comfy as my old pillow. When I head home to my parents place I lay claim to my mothers pillow because I can’t sleep comfortably without that particular kind of pillow. And before anybody calls me selfish and rude for stealing my mothers pillow, she has about 6 pillows on her bed and isn’t choosy about which one she has.

I’ve tried replacing the pillow with an identical one but I don’t know what it’s made of. I can tell you it’s not feathers or memory foam. So when I was changing my sheets today I was stood there asking myself the question I ask every time I change my sheets. What’s my pillow made of?

And because I still don’t have an answer for that (unwilling to dissect my pillow) I wondered to myself what am I made of?

On the literal level I’m a carbon based life form. I’m pretty much all oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium and phosphorous. All bound together in a variety of ways to make me. But what about on a figurative level? People have a tendency to ask what you’re made of but obviously they don’t mean what elements because everyone’s in the same boat for that one.

Usually when someone says show us what you’re made of, you’re doing something physical, running an obstacle course, fist fighting, getting out of bed… and they expect you to respond by astounding them with your sheer physical brilliance. Right now if someone asked me to show them what I was made of it would probably be very underwhelming.

I’m very physically unfit. I don’t want to say I’m so unfit that getting from my bed to the bathroom is an obstacle course, but right now it is because of all the furniture stacked up at my place… Honestly I’m not that unfit but I’m not at morning jog fitness level either. So what am I made of?

I’m made of little enthusiasm for extended periods of exercise but a mental strength that keeps me going through the lowest lows in my depression. I’m made of a strength of will that keeps me from killing myself because I know how much it would hurt those around me. The lungs that rejected asthma and said no to that allergy. And I’m made of the guts to keep fighting depression rather than simply existing through it.

I don’t want to toot my own horn (clearly I do right now) but I reckon that’s pretty impressive. Pat yourself on the back if you’re made or equally stern stuff.

S. Hansen

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