What The Hell America?

Today has been a semi busy day for me. It was evacuation day. I moved out of my flat and took a nice long nap on an uncomfortable sofa. That pretty much sums up my entire day because I have zero motivation to do anything else. And I could I suppose find a way to write about the disappointing problem of having no motivation. But wouldn’t it be much more interesting if I told you all about something we actually gave a shit about?

As I woke up from my nap with a cat taking a nap on my back, let’s talk about cats. There’s always that awkward moment, you can see the look on a person’s face as they carefully slot you into the appropriate category. Aha so you’re a cat person and depending on the expression on their face you make the assumption that they either understand your appreciation of those independent assholes or are offended you’re not a dog person. But there’s always much more to animals than our basic comparisons.

Here’s something I didn’t know until today. A group of cats is called a clowder, evidently wordpress didn’t know it either because they don’t think it’s a word.

There are many reasons to appreciate the perfect ingenuity of a cats biological construction. They are perfect hunters. There are 32 muscles controlling each of their ears. Ears that can actually hear higher pitches far beyond that of a dogs and at an equal level with them on the low ranges. And their ears basically contain spirit levels to let them control their balance and land on their feet (most of the time).

Their purr is not only soothing to them and calms them down when they are nervous. But the frequency it is, is the same as the frequency that muscles and bones heal at. I didn’t really understand this fact because I never hear my muscles or bones healing but I have heard a cat purring. But then I was often confused in physics classes so perhaps someone smarter than me can explain.

And not to shit on dogs but cats make over 100 different sounds while dogs make about 10… and a cats brain is 90% similar to a humans. We even have nearly identical sections of the brain that control emotions. So next time you think a cat is an emotional retard just consider yourself… Cats actually have pretty long term memories and can be taught tricks but only if they actually want to. They’ll learn to use cat flaps and when their meal times are easily but they aren’t about to lower themselves to performing for you.

Dogs are far more socially savvy than cats, cats will stare you in the eyes while they shit on your carpet. But a cat has a much greater ability to solve cognitive problems. The shell game is no trouble for them.

Then there’s the slightly creepy thing about cats. Their clavicles (collar bones) are free floating. It makes them all the more squashable. They can fit into gaps you wouldn’t believe. All these cool things about cats and actually only 11.5% of people would consider themselves “cat people”.

You guys should consider it. You’re 11% more likely to be introverted but also 17% more likely to be a university graduate and male cat owners tend to be luckier in love.

Now that I’ve told you all about the majesty of cats, I hope you’re still reading and paying attention. Because this is where it gets serious. Yet again I’ve got a bone to pick with America. I heard you guys declaw your cats… what the fu**!! It’s apparently routine in America to take a cats claws away. I’m going to put that in perspective for a second. Imagine if every kid had their nails ripped out. But wait it’s worse. Because a cats claws grow from the bone, so in order to get rid of the properly a part of the bone is also removed…

This leaves cats in pain, with recurring infections, an inability to walk properly and with a loss of balance. What worse is that American’s don’t only do this to the pets they supposedly love, nope. Their penchant for abusing animals in the entertainment industry means they do it to big cats too. They are lions and tigers, cheetahs and panthers, with the claws severed from their feet. What they’re left with a big floppy stumpy feet that are too painful to walk on.

This kind of thing is so bizarre and unfair on animals that as a European I didn’t even know it was something that vets did until I watched a documentary on it. It’s not normal over here.

Maybe I’ll research dogs next. If Americans remove a cats claws because they scratch furniture, I wouldn’t be surprised if they removed a puppies teeth because they chewed furniture…

S. Hansen


4 thoughts on “What The Hell America?

  1. I have had many cats and never had a single one declawed. That’s not bragging, it’s just common sense. But you are correct: most Americans have no common sense and shouldn’t even be allowed to own a packet of sea monkeys.

    Liked by 3 people

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