I’ve spent the day drifting in and out of consciousness. The lack of sleep from a week or so ago caught up with me and today was a day of sleep, eat, drink, repeat. Even during my waking hours I was too exhausted to move very far from my bed.
So it would be fair to say that mind has had a bit of a spring clean. All that time sleeping has got to have given my confused little mind time to sort through all the junk being stored in my subconscious. And then when awake I’ve been pondering on life and then mysteries of the universe… fairly unsuccessfully because I’m no closer to solving any of those mysteries.
But I have at least come to a surprising conclusion. I want to get away. Granted most of us want to get away from the general rat race or head off on our holidays. And I don’t think I would even leave the laptop behind and abandon you completely. But I want to get in my car and drive, anywhere really. I want to have no plan of where I’m going so I can just stop and take it all in when I feel like it.
The trouble is that scares the absolute bajeezus out of me. Having no plan, no one there as back up if my anxiety gets the better of me, no idea of what I’ll do or even where I’ll sleep.
A long time ago a blogging buddy (Mindfump) said I had nothing to lose by pushing past the walls of my comfort zone. I could remain comfortable and depressed or I could get away and either be the same old anxious depressed me or it’d be good for me. I don’t really lose anything. Then recently when I explained to a friend I could do with a break but I was to anxious to go anywhere alone they said they’d always really liked the freedom of going alone. Maybe I will too.
Perhaps I should ask my boss for some time off while the builders are in my flat and use the time wisely. Perhaps I’ll chicken out. I can’t say for sure. But my clearer mind says it’s a good idea, I guess it all depends on how muddled my mind gets and how quickly…