Holidaying From Caring

What’s the age you are supposed to learn focus? I either missed it or haven’t reached it yet. I set myself on little task today… well I guess it wasn’t little but it was only one task. Write 3000 words. That’s it.

Today I have learned that if I’m not invested in what I’m doing my brain has a special function. I sit down to work and within about five minutes my brain says ‘treat yo self, take a break, you’ve worked hard.’ And I have to say it makes an excellent point, so ten minutes after beginning my task I’m somehow watching How To Get Away With Murder. I can’t just half watch an episode so I have to finish it, but I promise myself I’ll get back to the writing straight after.

And I do. Until five minutes later my brain says ‘you’re hungry, treat yourself to put you in a good mood for this boring writing.’ Which is another excellent point. So into my car I jump and ten minutes after sitting down to write, somehow I’m half way to KFC.

I have now managed to put together a little over 2000 words. It’s not well written and I’m not sure when I intend to write the remaining 1000. I’m surprisingly apathetic about it considering it’s for work.  I would normally be cracking the whip and strapping my hands to the keyboard at this point. But today I just don’t care. I’m honestly considering handing it in as is and hoping no one notices…

My motivation, focus and ambition have been absent without leave for a long time. But I’ve managed to misplace all the fucks I give this week too. I’m going to end up with abandonment issues at this rate. There’s a silver lining too though, I’d normally be extraordinarily nervous about being so far behind schedule. Not today…

Let’s hope this isn’t the beginning of a downward spiral. That’d be annoying.

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