Normally I write a post after an event has happened. Today I’m writing, in between wringing my hands together nervously, while I make the momentous button press that will Publish my entire book on Amazon Kindle.
I’ve had some good feedback as I’ve been putting chapter by chapter on this blog. But that apparently isn’t enough to stop my anxious mind from imagining not a single person will want to pay for my work. That I will have poured everything I have to give into this series of books and people won’t even want to read the first book.
I know a lot of people who write books and self publish have dreams that their work will become tremendously successful and they’ll be the next J.K. Rowling, rolling around in money while sending out hilarious tweets. But not me, I just want to be an author. I just want to earn enough to live on. That’s not much money because I’m a simple soul. And that’s the problem. This is the career I want, for a lot of people they want the money. This is my dream job and the fear of being rejected is very real for me.
So this little button on Amazon KDP represents a lot for me. If I press it I’ll officially be asking the world if I can have this job. Being interviewed by billions of people at once is terrifying. If I press it, it won’t be a nice idea and dream anymore. I’ll be doing everything I can to make it happen. And nobody wants to think their dreams are about to coming crashing down, do they?
But I have been very brave lately, and I’m going to do it.
I’m going to press that damned button!
*hovers finger nervously over the button*
This is tense. Has anybody played Keep Talking And Nobody Explodes? It’s like that, but worse because these are my hopes and dreams, not an imaginary life…
I pressed it…
I’m going to hide away now.