Sleep, Glorious Sleep

A couple of days ago my depression decided that it was going to punch me in the face. It’s done it before, it really hurts you get really bummed but you just wander around hoping no-one notices that black eye it gave you. The problem is, this time a boxing glove wasn’t good enough for depression. This time it wanted to punch me in the face harder… much harder. I’m pretty sure what happened was this…

I was busy minding my own business, making positive strides forward, even getting out of the house and having a good time. I even laughed. I laughed quite a lot actually because I went to go and watch an insult comic. I must have been having a really good time because then my depression started getting jealous, started thinking I might forget all about the dark and twisty monster lurking in my mind. The next thing I knew depression was behind the controls of a freight train careering straight toward me. I tried to dodge it and step off the tracks but depression derailed the train just to prove a point, just to hit me and remind there was nowhere I could hide. Depression is a real dick.

Mentally I’ve been left absolutely exhausted. My life is in a pickle and I’m not sure how to sort it. I’m too mentally tired by the depression to be able to sit down and think about how to fix the mess. The only silver lining I have found is that when I’m asleep I’m not depressed. I slept for the past 12 hours… it was wonderful. But eventually you have to wake up and remember a train hit you and you’re in a full body cast, being constantly reminded that depression is you’re unwanted best friend. It can’t seem to take the hint that it’s not a mutual friendship. I sleep to avoid depression, I leave the city, avoid things that remind me of depression. Yet it’s looking an awful lot like it’s going to be me and depression on valentines days again… (I’m genuinely not sad about being single, even less so on valentines, it just makes my point.)

S. Hansen

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30 thoughts on “Sleep, Glorious Sleep

  1. Sorry to hear this thing is not shifting so quickly Hansen. I do love sleep in times like this as well. It is a tough time but only a tough time, and won’t last forever. I actually wanted to ask you to help me out, maybe it will even help distract you – drop me an email mindfump@gmail.com. Be well soon, always here if you need a chat.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Joonas Kopponen

        I was having the glorious time of sleep but now I have risen! My ascension more glorious than any sleep and I bestow upon you the gift of grouphug! ❀ Made my mood go up like a rocket that you mentioned me here.

        I hope you guys will have a day relatively easily endured, feel free to have some of my energy! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Joonas Kopponen

        Pleased to make you feel so! To be honest, I actually do care about you and Mindfump more than I care the average good person. So in that sense you are important. πŸ™‚ Hope I am not too sugary. Now all the interwebz can read my sugary moment.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Joonas Kopponen

        Oh my heart may be soft but it is also very enduring, I fear not. πŸ™‚

        It has been really nice for me too, I hope we will stay in contact and get to know eachother better in time. Meanwhile have fun and touchy moments reading and commenting eachothers posts. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I know right? I haven’t eaten much in the past 48 hours but I’m very hungry today. Italian for lunch and Mexican for dinner. What a world we live in! If I wasn’t so self conscious and busy with my writing I think I’d do a blog on food (though there may be enough of them already), I like cooking I’m just usually too apathetic about life to do it.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Joonas Kopponen

        48 hours! I’d feed you right now, sadly you are too far away! What a world indeed, so many options, with food the options is awesome. πŸ™‚ I think it’d be a good idea to include maybe a post or two about food you’ve made! I was planning to do that myself. I have just recently started cooking more, have not bothered much before.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I’m from a family of cooks, we are probably the worst dinner guests to be honest. We might not look like it but we are judging your food… One of my siblings used to be a chef and it kind of ruined eating out for them because now they can quickly work out how much it cost the restaurant to make the dish and then know how much they are charging you to eat it :/
        On the plus side if you get an invite to any Hansen household we have psychological need to wow and amaze with food…

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Joonas Kopponen

        Then I’d have to just quickly shove food into you before you notice and tadaaaa, fed! Yeah I sadly know quite well how much it costs for restaurant to make the food.. But then I calculate the pays of the people, how much everything else costs, the lighting, rent, cleaning products etc etc… Then the price isn’t so insane anymore. Not sure if you already meant that kind of calculating.

        I will have to visit some day then! Omnomnomnomnom….

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Joonas Kopponen

        That’d be awesome one day! Maybe one day. I am now quite poor so it would be a trek in deed. Oh, your flat mate is one of the lovely supportive cuddly fun ones?

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Joonas Kopponen

        Oh arright. Too bad you don’t get along so well though! I have just one sibling, a little brother, thankfully we get along. Well, we have been through a lot together… πŸ™‚ My phone is soon out of power, so I will check wordpress again later tonight. At least read one of your posts. πŸ™‚ Btw, if you’d like sometime to talk about something with me, feel free to send an email to zilizhne@gmail.com We can talk here too as we have but I wanted to offer as it is always nice talking with you.

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Good news is I have plenty of other siblings to choose from πŸ˜€
        Had a great time last week when one of my other siblings came to visit.
        I’m gunna add your email to my contact list right now, but you should know I am terrible at initiating communication. I’m just awkward. But I always reply.

        Liked by 1 person

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