There’s an old English adage, ‘you can’t see the wood for the trees’, that I’ve been thinking about recently. Because when you are wallowing in self pity, which let’s face it we all do at some time or another, it can be hard to see the kindness directed toward you.
In my dark and gloomy mind I think about why I’m so unhappy, why my life is crappy and how people are really sh**ty. But if I take a step back from the trees and let myself see the woods, the bigger picture, all of a sudden it looks a lot brighter.
My mother has a tendency to message me with pictures or links to things that she thinks will make me smile. There’s no messages complaining that I haven’t called in a while, no messages nagging me to come visit and no messages of disappointment. Just something she thinks will make me smile. And even when she gets it wrong (because it’s really not that funny, it’s a mum joke) it’s still my mother reminding me that she cares about me, worries about me, loves me (particularly poignant while I’m writing my fairy tale blog posts…).
The people I work with always make an effort to smile at me when they walk past. I never really talk to them (a combination of anxiety and a superiority complex prevents that, just trying to be honest with you). But they try to make me comfortable with a smile.
Sometimes people on here compliment my writing/work. They could just read it, like it (maybe) and move on. But they take the time to write a comment. And for someone who craves feedback, particularly positive (obviously), that feels damn good.
I had one of my favourite meals for dinner and I turned up to work to find that not only was I going to be completely unsupervised for the next 8 hours but the muppet’s in management had forgotten to set me any work at all… Maybe today is not such a bad day, maybe my life isn’t quite so crappy after all. I’m about to be paid to do nothing. I mean I’ll probably do something but I’ll sure as hell make it look like it was a lot more than it was.
So it’s all about perspective, I’m still mediocre at art but I can cope with perspective. I’ll start stepping back a bit before I start trying to paint the woods. Emphasis on trying.